Love is... something that everyone wishes for?
I’m finally blogging about myself. Browsing through the archives came a sudden realisation that my blog has evolved in such a way that I shun writing about my daily life. So I hope this post will be a good start of something blogging is truly about but I had lost it years ago.
My roomie and I went out of campus to have McDonalds today morning (in the sense of 3-4am that kind of morning). We’ve decided not to order it through phone or the Internet, since a 45-minute walk to that branch in the wee hours of early Saturday day will be an interesting experience. Imagine walking to and from that outlet – it will be 1.5 hours spent on walking, and being really talkative people, we were engaged in conversation throughout the journey. Oh and we would have cycled there if not for him sending his bike home for repairs.
On our way back my roomie popped the question – Have you ever been in love? And I sheepishly said that I haven’t. Not even close, perhaps? Although I’ve met a handful of people who I felt comfortable hanging around with, the word never crossed my mind. I had no intentions of bringing that relationship to the next level. For the moment being all I have are only respect and admiration for some of my female friends – some of them have a really outgoing persoality, some of them are unbelievably kind and considerate, and some of them have this exceptionally awesome sense of humour.
Don’t get me wrong. I’m not implying that they don’t have the, urm, personality (I couldn’t find a better word) to be my companion but somewhat I feel that there’s no need to be a couple in order to appreciate what we can offer each other. In fact, I cherish my friendships a lot – after being through a rough patch in life I realise that it’s not the number of friends that really matters but how well you can trust, communicate with and relate to each other. Isn’t that a true essence of a friendship?
I’ve never been in a relationship before. The closest call I have to date was being really close to a girl when I was in 14 and when I told my mom about her, she objected against that and told me that what I really needed to focus on was my studies. Of course we never acknowledged each other as anything more than very close friends, so I guess it wasn’t a breakup afterall – we just drifed our own ways, and since then I’ve lost her contact and I believe she had lost mine too.
Sometimes my friend would jokingly label me as the guy that will die a virgin. I’m not desperate for a relationship – in fact, I’m happily single and I will just gratefully accept what life throws at me in the future. I feel that people who try too hard at relationships are like poor donkeys with carrots tied right in front of them – not only are they blinded from the true nature of the pursuit but also probably trying too hard to attain something that is tantalisingly close but maddeningly far.
Love is complicated, to me, that is. It’s whole is something greater than the sum of its parts.
p/s: Just in case you haven’t noticed, I’ve slightly tweaked the header navigation to make it easily understandable. I hope you like it :) and I’ve just submitted this blog for a review at Rev.iew.me.
Yeah. You are very focused in your studies right now and don’t appear as someone looking for a relationship.
You should blog more about your personal life. Yup. *Cheers
@Jas: Good morning! Wow you wake up that early even on Sundays? :P Anyway, you sounded as if I choose studies over girls… do I really sound so relationship-adverse? Yea I guess from now on this blog should be a mix of my life and my other stuff, heh.
I go for Sunday morning masses :) And I love the kids in the choir loft… Ha ha… Why were you up so early? o_O You don’t sound relationship-adverse… I actually thought you were in love with someone (misled by your MSN personal message some time back).. Right now you seem very self-sufficient ;) At this moment, studies is your priority but in time to come, some girl will take that place.
@Jas: Oh how nice! Listening to choir performances gives me this very serene, dreamy and peaceful feeling. Maybe it’s just me.
My MSN messenger personal messages are everything but personal stuff :razz: in fact, I usually post snippets of lyrics of my favourite tunes or quotes from books I read.
If I’m in love, nobody would know besides my few close friends which includes you. Hah! I think telling the whole world that I am attached through MSN messenger is a little, urgh, cheeeesy. Haha.
yups. indeed, it is very complicated. if you try to define the LOVE word itself, you may it can lead to many different meaning. Love from parents, is it the same with Love that people usually seek for? hehe. Two cents from me. :P
p.s: You have been award with this http://abdusfauzi.com/love-being-single-more-colours/
Check out abdusfauzi’s latest blog post » Back to village in Kelantan (I)
@abdusfauzi: Parental love is above any kind of love – it’s a love that is completely unconditional and sincere. Nothing beats that. Love in this entry’s context will be that chemistry that exists between two human beings. It’s so elusive and hard to understand. Every time when you think that you know what is it about, it changes form and shape, and you’ll have to start all over again. So the best strategy about love is to accept and adapt, and not to constrain it to a certain definition or context ;)
p/s: Thank you for the award! Now I have to find where to put it, heheh.
“Numbers” doesn’t exist in the word “Friends”
It really doesn’t matter how many friends you have, but the trust you can get from them and vice versa.
Sometimes, I think that it’s better to have many close acquaintances, classmates/schoolmates than to have close friends/best friends.
Well, that’s only my opinion based on what I’d gone through.
=)
Check out WanCing’s latest blog post » New Year Resolutions
@WanCing: I second your opinion – friendship shouldn’t be something that can be quantified or expressed in numbers. It’s about quality – the interaction, toleration, care, protection, support and encouragement that friends offer to each other :) it’s the quality of the friendship that counts. I’ve seen many people that are very popular with people, having lots of ‘hi-bye’ friends but having nobody to talk to when they’re alone or sad. The emptiness in their eyes haunt me.
Actually, when people in your workplace or school get to know you better and vice versa, there isn’t any difference between friends, coworkers and schoolmates anymore, right?
You’re absolutely right, there is no difference between them then,
but after something that I’d gone through,
it seems to have become really hard for me to address someone as my “best/intimate friend”, not that i don’t have good friends, they all are really kind, helpful and generous to me, it’s just that i have some difficulty to speak out those words. I wonder if my contemporaries ever face the same problem as mine.
Well, I think all I can do is none other than appreciating them. At least, I won’t regret or guilty taking them for granted if one day we aren’t really good/close friends anymore.
@WanCing: I second you – sometimes there are some things that I find it particularly hard to tell my best friends. And sometimes I feel really guilty and rotten inside if they helped me out a lot because I feel that I don’t deserve their attention and time. It’s a dissonance – a part of you feels happy that you have friends who actually care for you and the other part blames you for creating trouble for your friends.
Hey Teddy! Wow it certainly has been a while since I last popped by. Good to know you’re doing well.
Anyway I just wanted to say your university years will probably be the best years of your life. Better to enjoy it for what it’s worth than ‘waste’ it hoping to meet the love of your life and missing the forest for the trees. Take care, Teddy :)
@thecoffeesnob: Heya there! It has been a long time too! Sorry for not dropping by your blog for ages teehee. I’m doing fine, what about you?
University years are indeed one of the best years in my life so far – I get to meet lots of really nice and kind people. Jerks do exists, but they vastly outnumbered heh. You’re right about ‘missing the forest for the trees’ :) what an apt description!
Take care too! And happy belated 2009!
HEHEEEE… i agree, love IS COMPLICATED.
I have a confession to make, all my photoshops are. copies. so are my flashes and illustrators haha. Lets just hope the cops dont see this =)
Well at first I was really disturbed by that air cond but in the end I thought to myself, lets just be grateful that we dont need to spend the night on the streets. =(.
Oh and I put teddyrised as my referrer on Rev.iew.me =) hope we get good reviews
Check out sue’s latest blog post » Melaka, The City Of Food =)
@sue: It is indeed! Nobody can ever constrain love to a certain definition. It’s a subjective thing, a unique experience to each of us.
You’re not alone! Actually I’m still using a ‘copy’ of Adobe CS3 as well… the real package is just too expensive for students like us. Meh! And for the creaky air conditioner, I’m glad that it didn’t spoil your holiday mood (except for tarnishing the hotel’s good name, at most). Looking from your photos from Malacca, you’re beaming with sunshine smiles!
Thanks for the credit! Tell me when you’ve submitted your site for reviews!
there are bits of what you wrote are quite true, and the part that you say ppl joked about you dying a virgin, JORRR, I think I know who la.
no seriously, no biggie about that, I mean in a relationship, the first thing that couples look is definitely not sex, unless they’re a psycho sex maniac la.
love takes time, frustration and a lot more thrown in the package. as you say, you’re comfortable with certain people around you, I’m sure you’re getting all the love you can ever get from them right, =), both in a friendly, caring and warm way.
as for me, recently this month u can say there’s been a tsunami in my own heart, but then, i realized that the more you push, it becomes a storm. just let it flow my friend, that’s the best way.
haha, take care
Check out tysern’s latest blog post » stupid, gets stupider
@tysern: I know who are you talking about! Must be ______ but sadly, it’s not him la. He don’t say such mean stuff teehee. It’s another friend of mine – although he said it in a jokingly tone, I got me to think about the whole ‘love’ topic.
Relationship requires a lot of effort to maintain, and it’s not easy when you have to many things to balance in life. I’m already struggling to cope with my studies, club commitments and my design work, I barely have time even for sports. Imagine if I have a girlfriend – she’ll probably have time to talk to me when I’m taking a poop in the toilet (across the partition, of course). That’s the only few minutes in my day when I can take a deep breath and give myself some thought.
I hope that you’ve calmed that little storm in your heart! Peace :)
Lol, I get that question a lot too, though I usually shun it away with a “Not really” or “Uninterested”. I actually do fancy some people in that sense, but I don’t like taking things to a new level because things would get awkward from then onwards. You can keep good relationships with friends for a longer time than with someone you regard as a lover since lovers break up and hurt each other more.
I find it silly to see high school kids kissing in public, getting pregnant and all that instead of focusing on studies. Right now is the age to prioritize in education and not romance. Sure, they love their significant other, but can’t their love last long enough to wait until they’re at least 20ish? Well, that’s my opinion at least.
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@Aki: Yea… I was reading through your archives (I hope you don’t mind!) and realised that several friends had popped you that question a few times in the past. So far only my parents, a few cousins (who are all attached and couldn’t wait to see what kind of girlfriend will I be getting) and my roomie. He’s sort of in love with this girl in his school but he wasn’t sure about how he should deal with that so he was asking me about love. It’s either him asking me the wrong question or him asking the wrong person :P
Yea, when friendship goes one level beyond that things start to turn awkward. You will have irritating friends spreading rumours about your relationship, you have the whole world texting/emailing you asking about the change, and some will even lambaste you for not updating your Facebook relationship status :roll: haha!
I would rather keep things as what they are now. There’s no reason for me to move on to something so complicated and something I have so little confidence about handling it. Later, perhaps!
I watch upon others scornfully when they proudly declare that love is all about sex and how many girls have they banged. Love is not all about sexual attraction and the male-female dynamics (or male-male, female-female etc).
The rule of thumb: puppy love never last beyond high school :) stay in school, kids!
Of course I won’t mind you checking my archives! It’s the internet :P Everything online is free (well, kinda).
LOL at the Facebook reference. If you change it, people would ask, “Who? When?” Etc etc. People should MYOB sometimes XD
Check out Aki’s latest blog post » Erm…
@Aki: Exactly. When my friend changed his relationship status he got like 100+ responses either 1) congratulating him, 2) asking him why they weren’t told in advance (usually BFFs or whatnots) or 3) have no idea what happened and wanted to know more. Aren’t these that kind of define us as humans? A dangerous mix of jealousy, curiousity and selfishness. Oh I’m too pessimistic I guess.
Anyway, if I’m in a relationship next time I wouldn’t change my status. It feels as if I’m telling the whole world that I’ve finally got somebody. Meh!
I’m not really an expert on this subject but, I think there’s nothing wrong about being happily single. *high five!* =D There’s also nothing wrong about being happy that you’re single in your case. There’s still a long road ahead for us and when the time comes, before you’ll know it, it happens. =)
I have a tonne of friends with relationships from the high school days only to suffer a break up and wishing they never had a relationship in the first place.
So there.
Check out ember’s latest blog post » Unabating rain.
@ember: *High faves back* Wheeee, ahoy there bachelor! I find that there’s nothing wrong about not having a partner (not in that sense) for the moment being… although I do feel a little embarrassed when I read about a survey where around 50% of university students in Singapore had their first time already. No biggie eh?
We have not even hit the 20-year-old mark yet! A long road lies ahead of us and I guess we’ll just have to accept what life throws at us. I believe in chances and coincidence.
I know high school sweethearts that never survived beyond high school years. Relationship is something that requires commitment from both parties and needs a certain level of maturity – it’s not a masak-masak game :D
p/s: Nice new theme you have over at your blog! WOW!
eh tysern fyi, i didnt say that to terry okay (: im such a nice friend! maybe terry you are gayyyy =P hahaha!
i’ll promise to find u more after my cheer k? till then, focus on your love life with your friends (: in that way you can tell people you are in love XD
@Chongx: I know you didn’t say that haha! You don’t say that kind of stuff… you just keep labelling me as gay, that’s all :razz:
I can’t wait for some dinner meetup after you’re done with your cheer! Good luck, and all the best!
I’ve only been in love once. At the time I didn’t recognise it as love and we were both too proud and foolish to do anything about it, so we never got together in a proper gf/bf way. Its a shame as with hindsight now, it could have been something special.
Its good that you’re not in a hurry to get involved, you’ve got a lot of time to do that, believe me theres nothing more obvious than 2 people who just get together for the sake of not being alone. Take the time to live your life, find out what you like and what makes you happy :)
@Nel: Hey Nel! Happy belated 2009! It’s really nice to see you around, heh. I’m sorry to hear about your previous experience with love but I think it made you stronger and wiser :) don’t worry, there are still a lot of great guys out there who will fall for such a talented and kind-hearted person like you.
I’m taking me own time – rushed relationship sounds as archaic and absurd as arranged marriages. Love can’t be forced, neither can it be accelerated to give you some raunchy sex overnight. It’s sad that some guy friends of mine think that way. Yikes!
Take care Nel!
love is a great feeling…learn to love yourself and those that matters around you and you will be loved in return
we definitely need more love around the world ;)
@med: Yea, the world needs love too! Although I’m not a very religious person, I’m an agnostic theist – in short, I acknowledge the presence of a divine being but couldn’t find any empirical evidence to support my view. I believe that a reason why a divine being place us on earth is to spread love :) it can be something as simple as doing a favour for a friend or helping a friend with his assignment.
Spread the love!
love is a really powerful word. falling in love and infatuation are totally different emotions as well. i like you attitude as there is no need to rush into falling in love. it will happen one day and when it does, you will be in cloud 9 :)
Check out Michelle’s latest blog post » Welcoming The Year 2009
@Michelle: You’re right about the love VS infatuation thing. Infatuation is something very dangerous – it’s a one-way road leading to a dark, deep hole that one might never recover from. Some people commit crimes that range from the more benign form of stalking to murder/rape because of infatuation and their frustration that they’re not getting anything in return.
No rush :) I will take my time. Take care!
Aww, I don’t think there’s anything wrong in not finding love yet right now. If anything, when you find love, you will most likely cherish it a lot more. Many times I have seen over and over again when people have found love later, they end up together forever, and really loving their partner for life because it’s the first experience, first love, first kiss, first everything.
Sometimes I do wish I had waited longer to find love, to get married, etc so that I’m not going through so many hardships but if love is true, then it can conquer all things right?
Hehe, would you begin to think about love? My older brother is 25 years old, and he’s in the same boat as you, never had a girlfriend, had girls that he liked but never ever dated. But I know the first girl he dates will be his wife and that he will cherish her for life. :) I know you will too
Check out Destiny’s latest blog post » “I don’t know who told Meâ€
@Destiny: You’re right about that – in fact, many people who fall in love at a later stage of life learned how to cherish love more. Maybe it’s because they’re more mentally and emotionally mature to deal with a relationship as well as having a more stable lifestyle. They’re most probably done with soul searching and the definition of self identity by then, so they’re prepared to share their life with another person.
True love transcends all. Don’t worry about the challenges and difficulties ahead – true love will not only help to tide you and your hubby over the hard times but also strengthens that precious and unique bond between both of you.
I never give love much thought until recently a slew of similar questions starting flying at me as my friends gradually transitioned from ‘happily single’ to the status of being in a ‘complicated relationship’ or even being attached. I guess your brother’s first love will be an exceptionally awesome one – given that it’s his first time opening up to someone he truly adores.
Hey Teddy,
I don’t think there is anything wrong with being single… your young so you SHOULD be single an enjoying life right. You got years and years ahead of you to “fall in love” and start a relationship but right now just cherish the freedom and live it up! Being in a relationship isn’t always a good thing because it’s hard to find the right person so most of them just end badly anyway; your saving yourself from heartbreaks. Someone will come along eventually and it’s best to just let that happen by fate rather than go out and try looking for someone (because we all know that never works).
Check out Katy’s latest blog post » Things I Love
@Katy: Thanks Katy! I guess there is a good side of being single too – less commitments and more personal free time to do things you like without being bound by a ‘romantic contract’ :D teehee! You’re right about cherishing the freedom I have for the moment being. It’s really hard to find a perfect match of you in the midst of thousands or even millions, and breakups are definitely very hard on both (unless the other is a jerk)… I’ll just have to gratefully accept what chances and life give me, heh.
I’m struck dumb at this post (and yeah, personal IS good!) Maybe it’s the old nice guys finish last rule? Or the fact that us geeks are liked as friends and friends only?
I don’t know. What you said really struck a chord with me, Teddy. My past experiences are similar to yours, and right now I’m stuck between meh I don’t need one, and ohgodwhysoemptyinside?
Check out Eli James’s latest blog post » Photolog: Playing With Light
@Eli James: Looks like this post is going to be a good start on my move, a rip off of what HP calls “It’s personal again”. Nice guys finish last. Quite true! I get bullied so much that I’m accustomed to being disadvantaged (not as in relationship, since I’m not out there actively competing with other desperate males what are eager to mate).
Your past experiences with love. I hope they didn’t leave a sour taste in your mouth *pats pats* I hope that you’ll be able to find your soul mate soon… good luck!
Don’t worry, my husband only met me when he was 25 haha. Love is not something you wait for…otherwise they won’t call it falling in love. It is just something you stumbled on along the way ;)
Check out Wendy’s latest blog post » Delete 10 friends in your Facebook and get a FREE Whopper!
@Wendy: Oh… and I bet he’s glad that he was patient and waited :) you’re such a blessing for him. Lucky Rin, teehee. Love comes along by chance, and of course we have to make it happen by jumping at it, but being too desperate will only make you land a bad choice. You’re right!
You should blog more about yourself so that when you read back your posts years down the road, you will smile thinking of the good old days. :)
I always believe in “don’t be determined to look for a partner, let fate brings the partner to you”. Not everyone might agree with that though. But it’s the same as if you keep looking for something, you wouldn’t find it. But when you aren’t looking for it, it will appear. I’m sure you will find your special someone who appreciates you in the future. :)
Oh and rev.iew.me is a good place to get some comments about your site. I wish I had more time to review other sites there. It provides the opportunities to explore some new sites which I’ve never been before.
Check out Dayna’s latest blog post » My Happiness Timeline
@Dayna: That’s exactly what struck me in the head – when I was reading my really, really ancient posts I couldn’t help but let out a chuckle when I read about my experienced with weird teachers and my bad English (it’s a little better now), but gradually as I read newer posts the personal touch in them started to disappear, slowly, but surely. For now I’m determined to make this blog personal again. Of course I will still blog about other stuff, no worries.
The more you look for something, the harder you will find it. It’s a popular Chinese saying that goes like that (not a literal translation, but the rough idea is there), and I think it’s quite true! If someone goes out there acting like a 120% desperado, he will only resort to instant gratification instead of settling for a proper relationship. There’s no fast lane when it comes to love.
Rev.iew.me is indeed a great place but the growth of the community is slowing nowadays, and new additions don’t get as much reviews as the older ones. I got a little tired of the celebrity layouts, but other than that, there are many great and inspiration sites in there!