Hello there. I am Terry and I am a full-time undergraduate based in Singapore. I take photos, write a blog and design websites.

And no, I'm not a teddy bear.

Apparently…

Apparently I did posted an offensive post a few days ago. Not about politics, so not the government who knocked on my door. Not about bad things in school, so not the Ministry of Education knocked on my door. Not about racial issues, so not the police who knocked on my door. The post irritated the audiences in my school… a limited circle of audiences who might seem to be unappleaing to you but very important to me.

Apparently I blogged about the wrong thing in the wrong direction at the wrong time at the wrong place targeting the totally wrong audience. How selfish can I be, digging up other’s past? And that’s not the end of my plan which I was initally proud about it. I posted them online, made them visible by any single living soul on the whole wide world which has internet access and knows how to type “http://www.teddy-o-ted.com” into the address bar.

Apparently I bring bad luck to people around me. Without me everybody leads a normal and happy life. When I come in and attempts to make a change, the world always turns its back on me. That’s why I am very low self-esteem and never mixed around with others in high school. I thought I can come to JC, start off afresh, make new friends and know more people. I destroyed my own dreams with my own bare hands. Stupid me *bangs head on the wall*

Apparently in such depressing moment people tend to think about other stuff like escaping from the truth by all means, ranging from quitting school, changing classes, shutting down all my social network and to commiting suicide (but of course I am clever enought to immediately disable the commit suicide option when I ended up in such situations). While others try to calm me down and make me look at the bright side of life, they still advise me about things like I should not make a change, stay to yourself and shut up you dumbass Terry.

Apparently life is like a roller coaster, like Rei. My emotional feelings are being jeopardised while my self-esteem was crush into pieces. Well, according to my personality and past experiences, I can only return to the real Terry after Chinese New Year. For the rest of the week (and probably next) I will keep real quiet, trying to redefine myself as a teenager, a good junior and a good student.

Apparently I am trying to stay happy while on MSN. Nobody will understand my emotional struggle. I will never attempt to change things that already are in good condition. Nobody will know for the past few nights I cry myself to sleep. Nobody will know who sorry I am feeling now :cry:

Apparently, I have destroyed my impression among all the new people I know this year. All those new social ties might just as well as went down the dirty drain. Even though they can be recovered, they stink and they smell. I will never make a true friend anymore. I will try other ways to entertain me and to replace the emptiness for not having much friends for the next 2 years… hopefully.

Apparently I am no longer myself. I want to change, change into the Terry that everybody wants to be. I am afraid of losing my true self… but changing cannot be avoided. I want to make a change in myself, but recent events hampered my effort. But I will change. I want to be a new Terry.

Apparently, I hope that nobody hates me, nobody dislikes me and nobody talks bad about me. It is okay for anybody to hate me, since I’ve been hated from Sec 1 onwards. But please do not talk bad about me. My social network is in danger, near the tip of the iceberg already. 1 more careless step my social network will be frozen, as if being pushed into the icy water of the Altantic or Antartica. Please give me a chance to change.

Apparently I have said so much but ironically I hope nobody understands what I am trying to say… :cry:

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